As reported by Jeff Levi.
Washington, D.C. –- The Bureau of Labor Statistics released its employment report today. All measures showed improvement over the previous release, except the Magic category, which fell by a stunning 16.7%. Said one economist, “It’s the nature of Genie work. It’s very short-term employment, and very cyclical. It must be rewarding, but I’d like to know how these people survive.”
Do Genies make a living wage? In order to find out we contacted a local Genie, George K. “Rewarding? Bah! They only need you when you have the wishes. As soon as you’re empty, that’s it, you’re kaput!” said George, who asked that his last name not be used in fear of reprisals from the Lamp Polisher’s Guild. “They’re assh*oles. And brass molesters, also…”
This is the 23rd time in the last five years George has been found living on the streets after granting wishes and then running out. “It’s my job, you know, to give ‘em out. But I only get so many, and then it’s done. I can’t help that the number is three. Anyone with a brain knows that three is not enough. Except for this one guy that asked for unlimited wishes. Everyone thinks that’s a myth, but it works if you ask for it. However! The problems it causes, I can’t tell you!”
When asked to elaborate, George said, “Language becomes very important. That same guy gets to unlimited wish number three, right? Just as this cabby nearly clocks him, and he yells, ‘Screw You!’ …and, so you see, you gotta be careful what you say.”
George had little to say about other previous clients; he mentioned only two: “The kid who asked for 100 hot dogs, he went to the emergency room. But he was happy before he did. And this woman, Irene, she asked for a better memory, and she got it, but it wasn’t hers. So I think there was some bit of confusion there when she walked back to Texas to someone else’s house.”
For his initial training, George attended a government-sponsored vocational Genie program. “It was seedy. But they knew the ins and outs of the lamp trade. So I guess it was a good start,” he said. “But no one, NO ONE, told me it was gonna be this hard.”
When asked if there was anything he wished he had done differently, he said, “I wish I had a different job…WAIT! Is that wish number one!? Holy Crap! In that case I want unlimited wishes for wish number two!”
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