As reported by Jeff Levi.
Poultry Park, IA — The FDA announced the egg recall all across America today. “Until now, no one really knew just how smart they are,” said Professor Limelight, in charge of the study. Scientists followed (with some difficulty) 14,000 eggs over three years before releasing their results today. “Most were consumed, of course, but almost all had an amazing depth of recall, including past lives,” said Limelight.
Critics have pointed to flawed data in questioning the results of the study, but the investigative team had this to say, “We did have difficulty in reconciling the claims of past lives with our data, so we stripped that out completely. Everything else is solid, or, well-done, if you will.”
Limelight said it wasn’t hard to choose this project, “Had to choose something. We had money previously earmarked for climate change research, so we had to do something with it. Use it or lose, you know.”
When asked what changes he thought this discovery would make in the consumption of eggs, Limelight said, “Probably none. They’re very clever, but short on mobility, an evolutionary misfortune. However, some of them did, in fact, manage to escape, but since we tagged them all as a part of the project, those wayward specimens are being brought to justice by bounty hunters as we speak.”
As for their next study, Professor Limelight indicated that, “We are thinking about the chicken-egg question next. It should keep us funded for at least a decade.”
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