As reported by Jeff Levi.
Raleigh, N.C. – In a reversal that surprised many, April Showers admitted today that it is not the only thing that brings May flowers. The trial, closely watched by many as a bellwether case in the pursuit of other Months’ alleged criminality, was all but over when the emotional revelation occurred.
At 11:15 AM, April read a prepared statement, and then burst into uncontrollable tears. It took several minutes to calm the packed courtroom. “December steals sunlight and has been getting away with it for years! Gut them all!” yelled one woman who had to be removed from the building.
When asked if he was surprised at the emotional intensity of the defendant’s admission, the DA in charge of the case said, “I wasn’t really surprised. April has always been a leaky month.”
A spokesperson for the ACLU was quick to defend the other Months, “The trial lawyers now think it’s open season on Months, but that is not how it works in America. Yes, they are all months, but that does not mean they are the same, as anyone who has lived a July in Phoenix and a February in Maine knows. We must always proceed on the presumption of innocence.”
Many observers, however, believe this is only the beginning of this type of prosecution. “January takes another year off your life just as soon as it ticks over. That’s a capital offense right there,” said Daniel Pickerboons, a legal expert from Maryland. “Not to mention the well-known fact that days go by slow, but weeks go by fast. What are Months’ complicity in that?”
Outside the courthouse, the ACLU representative summed up the challenges ahead by reminding the crowd that, “Emily Dickenson said, ‘November always seemed to be the Norway of the year,’” and then continued, “Beyond this being completely unfair to Norway,” she said, “It just goes to show how hard it’s going to be to get fair trials for any Month going forward.”
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